I always feel better after I have a plan. But I know plans never work out like the way you would want it to...it's just a skeleton for this framework of life. So fragile and vulnerable to any abrupt changes. At least it gives me an idea of where I would like to be in the next 2 seasons.

Little white lies that I tell people to keep them satisfied and not be exposed to my own burden...sometimes I do wish those lies were true, sometimes I wish I can believed them too. But you can never lie to yourself. So let me lie to you to keep you far from the truth of unpleasant things. And one day I'll begin to be truthful.

MS. In the southern city that I reside right now is no where close to what I was use to. Despite that, the weather is very nice. And every time we drive down to the coast, I love looking at the big houses...how the trees hover over the streets...and the restless ocean laying next t the free way.

It's a change. If I do go back up North sooner than I expected to, I will be taking some fond memories with me...it's always nice to meet new people in different places. 

I love lazy days. I love sleeping in and waking up to the midday sunlight peeking through my window blinds. And if I open up my eyes and just look up, I would see the blue sky and white clouds on a good day. On days like those, I would linger on my bed all day just reading or watching Korean movies. I would still be in my pj and hair unbrush, wrapped in my blankets. It's day like those that I wish I had no postponed errands to do and just purely relax.

I was so use to talking to Phong every night before I went to sleep. Ever since things change, we kind of lost that connection. Maybe that's why I feel a tad lonely every night now...it's because I stopped talking to him...and I miss that...just talking to someone before I went to sleep. He is actually more than just a someone. He knows a lot about me...we know a lot about about each other and I guess we just don't know how to begin or end things.

 So...I don't know. I guess I'm ok. I still can't make up my mind, but hopefully I'll get an idea of something in the next month or so. I was sitting here thinking about how I try to seek help spiritually...and in some way, I think I can start solving my problems. Over the course of these past few months, I've met people who have offered some sort of help. Now it's up to me to either accept it or deny it. I really appreciate the kindness...and the time I get to spend with them because for those moments, all I'm dying is in laughter. Even though I'm still wavering between staying here until next summer or another full year, I realize I have to change for the better. I want to make good memories with my new friends and I want them to remember me. Before I leave this place, I hope I will learn many things about myself..but mostly, to learn how to live more.

Hopefully I can go to Japan this winter :] It'll be something exciting for me to look forward to.